Moving in with your partner is a big decision and one that deserves more than a casual conversation or a split rent payment. It should spark honest, thoughtful dialogue and include input from trusted voices in your life.
Here’s my (maybe unpopular) take: I typically don’t recommend moving in together before marriage. While it may feel like a natural next step, research shows that cohabiting outside of marriage is often linked to higher levels of relationship dissatisfaction later on.
One major reason? Sliding vs. deciding. Couples who move in together without clearly defined intentions or future plans often find themselves sliding into the next phase of the relationship (like engagement or marriage) without truly deciding they’re ready. That lack of intentionality can quietly erode long-term satisfaction and connection.
Living together often feels like a big step and in some ways, it is. But sharing a home can feel like a deeper commitment than it actually is. This can lead couples to stay in relationships longer than they might have otherwise, simply because they’re “already living together,” have shared bills, or don’t want the hassle of untangling their lives.
I see this in couples counseling all the time with partners who moved in thinking it would bring them closer, but instead feel stuck, unsure how they got to this point, and hesitant to leave because of logistics rather than love. The emotional and financial entanglement can create pressure to stay in a relationship that might not be healthy or aligned long-term.
When commitment is assumed rather than chosen, couples often bypass crucial conversations and clarity that could make (or break) the relationship in a healthier, more intentional way.
Every relationship is different, and this isn’t a one-size-fits-all rule. But if you’re considering moving in together, ask the big questions, have the hard conversations, and make sure you’re both stepping in, not drifting forward.
As someone who sits with couples on the other side of these decisions, I can tell you that honest, intentional conversations now can save you from a lot of misunderstanding later.
If you’re seriously thinking about living together, here are some key questions I encourage couples to talk through before signing a lease. These aren’t just hypotheticals, they’re real issues that I see regularly in couples counseling sessions when things start to feel off balance.
💬 Communication & Expectations
- What does “living together” mean for our relationship? Is it a step toward marriage, or something else?
- What are we both hoping this move will change, or not change, about our relationship?
- How will we handle disagreements or time apart when we live under the same roof?
🧹 Household Responsibilities
- How will we divide chores and household management (cleaning, groceries, cooking, bills)?
- Do we have similar expectations around cleanliness, noise, guests, and personal space?
- What happens if one of us feels like the other isn’t pulling their weight?
💸 Finances
- Will we combine finances in any way? Who’s responsible for what bills?
- How will we handle unexpected expenses or financial changes (job loss, big purchases)?
- What’s our plan if one of us wants to move out or the relationship ends?
❤️ Emotional & Relational Readiness
- Have we successfully navigated conflict together and come out stronger?
- Do we feel emotionally safe, respected, and heard in this relationship?
- Are we both choosing this move with clarity, not pressure or convenience?
These conversations can feel awkward, but they are absolutely worth having. Moving in together without clear expectations often leads to resentment, miscommunication, and emotional distance down the line. When couples take the time to be intentional on the front end, they tend to feel more connected and confident as they share space.
Sarah Murcko 
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