Sarah Murcko

Understanding the 5 Love Languages (and How to Actually Use Them)

You’ve probably heard of the 5 Love Languages, but knowing what they are and knowing how to use them are two different things. First, I believe love languages are legit, BUT I also believe they change depending on the season of life you’re in. Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, the concept is simple: people feel loved in different ways. The key to a strong, connected relationship is learning to speak your partner’s (and your own) love language regularly.

Here’s a breakdown of each love language and how to put them into practice in everyday life:

1. Words of Affirmation

“I feel loved when I hear it.”

This love language is all about verbal expression—compliments, encouragement, appreciation, and kind words.

How to use it:

• Send a sweet or encouraging text during the day.
• Leave a sticky note with a compliment on the bathroom mirror.
• Say “I’m proud of you” or “Thank you for everything you do” out loud.

💡 Pro tip: Be specific. “You looked really confident during your presentation today” goes a lot further than “You did great.”

2. Acts of Service

“I feel loved when you help lighten my load.”

For this person, actions speak louder than words—especially when they’re thoughtful or helpful.

How to use it:

• Do a chore they normally handle—without being asked.
• Make them coffee in the morning or warm up their car in the winter.
• Handle something on their to-do list when they’re overwhelmed.

💡 Pro tip: Doing something your partner values (even if it’s not a big deal to you) shows deep care.

3. Receiving Gifts

“I feel loved when you put thought into something just for me.”

This love language isn’t about materialism—it’s about thoughtfulness and intentionality.

How to use it:

• Pick up their favorite snack or drink “just because.”
• Give a meaningful keepsake tied to a memory or inside joke.
• Surprise them with a small gift on an ordinary day.

💡 Pro tip: It’s not about the price tag. A $2 token that says “I saw this and thought of you” can mean the world.

4. Quality Time

“I feel loved when you’re fully present with me.”

This person craves undivided attention and shared experiences.

How to use it:

• Put your phone away and go for a walk together.
• Schedule a weekly date night or no-interruption conversation.
• Try a new hobby or game together to create shared memories.

💡 Pro tip: It’s not just about proximity. Eye contact, listening, and being emotionally present matter most.

5. Physical Touch

“I feel loved through affection and closeness.”

This person feels connected through physical gestures—both big and small.

How to use it:

• Give spontaneous hugs, hold hands, or rest your hand on their back.
• Cuddle while watching a movie.
• Greet and say goodbye with physical affection.

💡 Pro tip: Physical touch should always be safe, consensual, and rooted in genuine care.

Why It Matters

Speaking someone’s love language isn’t about guessing or mind-reading—it’s about being intentional. If you’re not sure what yours (or your partner’s) is, try taking the quiz [linked here] or just pay attention to what you each ask for the most.

And remember: we tend to give love the way we want to receive it. But the real magic happens when we give love the way the other person needs it.